


Memories of Breaking

by AmbiguousPenny



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: 5x06, Angst, Eliot’s Monster Memories, Ficlet, Fix-It, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, References to Season 4, Some Descriptions of Violence, The Monster - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:42:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbiguousPenny/pseuds/AmbiguousPenny
Summary: Eliot remembers all of it, and hears Quentin in his dreams.
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Memories of Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago after 5x06 and Eliot’s conversation about his monster memories with Margo. I found it in my notes and thought I’d post it.

The monster’s most gruesome memories exist right in his line of vision, it takes just the right cocktail to make the world a little less blood tinged. But it’s never fully clean. He can still feel the violence just under the skin, at his fingertips. It gets better after he explains this to Margo, or he at least feels less alone in it.

The monster’s memories of Quentin only exist in his dreams. Some nights the dreams aren’t half bad, he gets brief moments of Quentin reading on the couch, making lunch, smoking cigarettes; he’s never happy, but he’s there and Eliot will take what he can get. 

Some nights the dreams come more like hauntings. Watching helplessly as Quentin trembles, desperate and afraid through some awful and bloody task. When he wakes up from these dreams he doesn’t go back to sleep for hours, drinks until he is numb and closing his eyes becomes more like an inevitability. 

There is one dream, the worst dream, that repeats itself most often. It’s the only one in which he gets to hear Quentin’s voice. The monster using his hands like a vice, tightening his grip where Eliot would have held him with soft hands, would have pulled him closer, would have kissed him. 

Eliot always recognizes the heartbreak knit into Quentin’s brow. He knows exactly where that ache comes from. That is what makes it the worst dream. The worst memory. Because Eliot knows it wasn’t the monster that put that particular pain in Quentin’s eyes. Quentin, his sweet and brave Quentin, defeated, desperate and tired of this. 

Tired of loving Eliot. 

“Do it, break my bones.” Exhausted. Ready to just let go, of Eliot, of himself. This is not the monster’s fault. This is Eliot’s fault. 

“Do it.”

Now that he is gone, it is the last piece of his voice that Eliot can remember. He doesn’t want to stop having this dream. Doesn’t want to forget Quentin’s voice. Even if it means remembering the vibration of it beneath his hands; the monster’s hands around his throat.

When he wakes, Margo is always there to there to hold him. 

“I broke him. I broke him. _ I broke him _ .” 

Tonight, arms wrap around him, strong and sure. 

Not Margo.

“You didn’t. You didn’t, I’m right here. I love you, I love you, I love you.


End file.
